| NAME | | CRIMES
| | PUNISHMENT
|
| Ayn Rand | | Objectivisim & rational self-interest, undertipping waitresses
| | Locked in a room with Che Guevera
|
| Ben Afflick | | Accent, reindeer games, toenail collection
| | Directing parking in Harvard Yard
|
| Bigfoot | | Terrorizing Canada and haunting the wilderness
| | Writing up interviews for weekly world news
|
| Brad Pitt | | Tabloidal Over-exposure, contract with the devil
| | Endless encounters with papparazzi
|
| Che Guevara | | Godless Marxism, guerrilla attacks, Tshirt abuse
| | Locked in a room with Ayn Rand
|
| David Bowie | | Renegotiating sale of soul, Talent theft, alien bloodline
| | Provide original ideas for out of luck artists
|
| Fozzie Bear | | Bad puns, stale jokes, idolatry
| | Freelance writing for Reader's digest
|
| Fred Flintstone | | Marital dilemas, anger management, Barney abuse
| | Running around a house that doesn't end
|
| Godzilla | | Rampaging through Tokyo, quarrelling, bad breath
| | Long session of rampage management
|
| Humphrey Bogart | | Sexist rolemodel, being a drug term, nail biting
| | Playing the song, Sam, Play it.
|
| James Bond | | Espionage, having a license to kill, shaking martinis
| | Working at a desk job
|
| James Cameron | | The Abyss, Titanic, T2
| | Forced to watch his films with bad dubbing
|
| James Taylor | | Abuse of soft rock stations. Having witnessed fire and rain.
| | Forced injections of muzak.
|
| Jim Belushi | | Idolatry, drugs, shaving turtles
| | Forced to launder togas
|
| Jim Morrison | | Sex, drugs, rock n roll
| | Lizard Training
|
| JRR Tolkein | | Cult creation, smoking, Hairy feet
| | Watching "Best of Con" videos
|
| Kenneth Brannaugh | | Hamlet, overacting, being American
| | Directing Gilligan's Island episodes
|
| L Ron Hubbard | | Run-on Sentences, Cult creation, John Travolta
| | Endless series of apology notes
|
| Mozart | | Bringing art to the masses, nosepicking
| | Listening to his music on kazoo orchestra
|
| Orlando Bloom | | Being the prettiest, dangerous pranks, oyster collection
| | Answering _all_ his fanmail
|
| Steve Jobs | | Thinking different. Limited negotiations with the devil.
| | Repairing broken Apple products.
|
| Steven Tyler | | Adultery, Heroin, raspy vocals
| | Being forced to Walk this Way
|
| Walt Disney | | Longing for immortality, mouse fancying, cult creation
| | Trapped in "It's a small world"
|
| William Gilbert | | Silly comic operas, quick temper and being British
| | Writing hymns
|
| William Shatner | | Overacting. Crimes against the Beatles and other musical saints.
| | Forced to watch reruns of TJ Hooker.
|
| Woody Allen | | Stuttering, intellectualism, smelling like cheese
| | Therapy
|
